Friday, April 12, 2013

Wont Stop to Surrender

The moments when I can find my own personal silence.
Being crammed onto a subway and watching other people hang their heads down to the floor, how they move from side to side with every jerking motion the encapsulating car produces.
Watching people interact. Reading their lips and body language as they fight, fawn, or gossip.
People drip with thick emotion in this city.

Yesterday a young guy went through a dance routine while we stood on the platforms edge.
He was completely in his own world - practicing his passion with every single step he took.
The R arrived and instead of stopping, he continued and without pause reacted as if it had come to play a part on the stage he was performing from. I wanted so much to be him. To be that outwardly devoted to something. He made it seem effortless. I will never stop being inspired by the drive that some individuals carry within them. I envy it, I strive for it.

I have done so many things in the last 8 months.
New York is a city of never ending possibilities.
And while an abundance is profoundly apparent - attaining the ventures you seek are another story.
Want to see beautiful parks, eat amazing food, feel alive in a sea of bobbing heads? Easy.
Want to have a job that means something to your creative spirit, to live off more than a few scraps of food, or find sanctuary in a space that's bigger than a closet? Keep trying.

There is so much for me to learn about detachment and sacrifice here.
I can never be bitter for what I've chosen.
If anything, this place has made my direction more clear. Teaching me that to live a full life, one of happiness and fulfillment - money just doesn't always fit into that situation. And that THAT is OK! We are a culture of grotesque extremes, and materialism. It is refreshing to know that I can be content with the simple things. With less things/space.

This may not be the easiest journey - or the most glamorous.
But it's mine.

Actor (and friend) Joe Mullen

Actress (and friend) Alli Caudle

Jenna for ShopGrl

Jessica for ShopGrl

Brooks and I recently, taken by India :)

My heart and joy